I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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