My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
