he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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