i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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