it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
A+ Viking dick
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize