so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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