In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
