I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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