he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
