I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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