there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
