Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
