sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
