You're so nebulous sometimes
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
