Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
