Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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