I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
