Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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