Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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