at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize