Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
