Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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