I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize