It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
