It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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