Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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