i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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