I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
