Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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