I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
