I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
