hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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