Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Every concussion has its silver lining
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize