I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
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I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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