We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
