Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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