I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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