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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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