just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
