Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
