Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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