lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
