Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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