Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
