That's intense
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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