Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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