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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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