oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
