so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
