Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
honey bunches of taint.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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