do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
