Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick

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(573): View more from Missouri

Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?

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(314): View more from Missouri

I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.

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(416): View more from Ontario

Thursdays are my worst days

(1-416): View more from Ontario

but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."

(817): View more from Texas

I was drunk but it's true

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(440): View more from Ohio

the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat

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(425): View more from Washington

Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...

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(817): View more from Texas

Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.

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