last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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