we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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