is your mom at the bar?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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