I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
