I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
