nut hugger
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
