i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
